Confessions of a Third Wheeler
by OTPhilia
Summary: Her idiot friend, Jack, has a girlfriend that screamed perfection, and while her other idiot friend, Flynn, has finally met his match. The pitiful girlfriends are doomed -she sympathetically thought. And here was Merida, staring at those lovesick fools being disgustingly in love, not even wondering why she had agreed to be the lonely wheel. But hey, the food's free. Au. Rotbfd.
1. Chapter 1

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

Twitter Pated

* * *

"I love you."

"I love you too." Merida Dunbroch, first born child of Elinor and Fergus Dunbroch, has officially concealed her vow to the pizza slice by a quick kiss into its Italian cheese before entering her said lover into the cave of her mouth. It earned an annoyed look by her friend, Jack Frost, whose statement of affection was originally for Elsa, but the redhead had cut him off before his girlfriend had to reply. But seeing her as crazy as Merida Dunbroch could get, others had laughed it off.

The evening had been wonderfully spent by two couples; Elsa Arryndale and Jack Frost, Rapunzel Corona and Flynn Rider, anciently as Eugene Fitzherbert, although most of them had forgotten that name because some unknown reason Flynn didn't want them to call him that (But Merida never forgets) And of course, we have the exasperated married-to-foods Merida Dunbroch.

Feeling the leftover of their group.

Who wouldn't though?

She'd been in Domino's for the millionth time -well, maybe not million but so many times that she had lost counting, and actually felt pestered by her friends for being the third or fourth wheel, as the case may be. She couldn't even savor her meal without feeling pathetic as they sat in front of her looking love-struck as ever.

They're the bests of friends, yes, but ever since the two fools had gotten the real balls to actually ask their perspective girls, Merida was the one who lack any lover. Not that she mind, she's somehow very glad that she's free and very single indeed, however she was not still accustomed to their... _Signs of affection_.

It made her want to vomit in rainbows and everything nice - those were pure horrors to her, mind you- and she'd roll her eyes at Flynn for flirting unmercifully at Punzie's expense. Poor lass.

As their festivities had put to an end, Merida said her none-too-affectionate goodbye to her dear friends by exclaiming in a crowded evening street, "Get a room and condoms!"

Elsa and Punzie looked back and glared at her with a color of tomatoes on their cheeks. Flynn had given her the finger and Jack had the guts to wink his eyes, that little action had gifted him a shove by his girlfriend. The boys had to walk their girlfriends' home and Merida was alone, usually, all by herself, walking herself alone in her dumpy apartment. She unceremoniously propped on to her bed and her two hands had found haven in the clasps of her bra before unclasping it, she shivered at the glorious feeling of freeing her breasts from its imprisonment.

The ding of her phone suggested a new message.

 **From** : (HandsomeJack)

 _Peebrain?_

 _Come with us tomorrow._

 **To** :(HandsomeJack)

 _Ugh, did you renamed your contact in my phone again? Pfft. Is there any involvement of food?_

 **From** :(HandsomeJack)

 _You know it ;)_

 **To** :(HandsomeJack)

 _Okay, goofball_.

 **From** :(HandsomeJack)

 _See 'ya Princess fart._

 **To** :(HandsomeJack)

 _Old man winter._

 **From** :(HandsomeJack)

 _Hairy Meri._

 **To** :(HandsomeJack)

 _Jackass_.

After a few banters and loving insults, she stared at the ceiling and found herself muttering that she's a sucker for being a third wheeler. She let out a victory smile and thought, well hey, there's free food. _Thank you very much._


	2. Chapter 2

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

Fright Night and Awkward Situations

* * *

On an eventful Friday night, the gang had conjured up a plan to lay low and chill as their last exam was finally at its end and it was time to relax as they had their hell-week with tears and blood. Elsa's parents were on a business trip and the house was all to themselves. They were seven of them; Jack, Elsa, Rapunzel, Flynn, Merida and Anna and her boyfriend, Kristoff. They were supposed to have one more but Flynn said that the one he invited couldn't come because of his conflicting schedule as he is from an another University.

They're now hanging out at Elsa's place, debating on which movie should they watch. The girls (excluding Merida) wanted the new Nicholas Spark's movie, while the boys were eager to watch the movie starring violence and flames. Merida though, she wants a little more adrenaline and thriller, and they ended up watching Conjuring 2, which Merida regrets suggesting.

She wasn't scared by the movie, _oh no_ , she was terrified by the three couples who are busying themselves by snuggling and kissing. _Sheesh_ , _can't wait for the movie to end_. She sat on the sofa, if I mean sitting she's at least propped lazily and her feet laid on the arm rest. Practically owning the sofa. And to her misfortune, the three couples found their spot at the ground accompanied by a soft blanket and pillows that are much more than needed. She can see the view and _their_ view. Merida groaned and Flynn must have heard it as he turned his head slightly around and winked at her. If she had the pillows by her side she would have plummet them to him. The minutes gone by and Merida had the last straw as she caught a glimpse of Jack stealing kisses to Elsa. Merida cursed herself for watching couples being intimate as it intimidates her. Merida sat up and thought that food will be her messiah. She stood up, before (not) accidentally stomping Flynn's hand, which earned a loud shriek and everyone, not counting Merida, to yell in horror as the movie had gotten to their skin and Flynn's shout has put them into an edge of spook.

Merida snorted all the way in Elsa's humongous kitchen. She opens the fridge and _lo, behold! Heaven_. The first row is full of chocolates and cavities, knowing Elsa and Anna, _they're going to die of diabetes_. Merida grabbed a handful of sneakers. _Better to die happy_. She then snatched Doritos and Pringles; she eyed the bottle of Coke and Pepsi, contemplating which one should she choose. She picks both.

Before she could return, the ringing of the doorbell alerted her and everyone, "Could you please get that, Jack?" Elsa said, but Jack —was probably a little horrified by the movie—was glued to his spot, looking at his girlfriend with his pleading eyes. Merida rolled her eyes, "I'll go get it, you pussy." She shot Jack a glare.

The doorbell rung four times as she walked towards the door, Merida had to curse and opens the door with a sour look on her face. The sight of the intruder made her eyebrow stand, annoyance was still on her face as the person in front of her looks at her in a calculated way. The guy felt the dark aura of this girl and coughed to relieve the tension, "Uh, Hi, are you Flynn's girlfriend?"

Merida's ears perked, _what the fuck?_ Her face turned crimson red, "Oh god—hell no!" The guy backed out a bit, she inhaled calmly, thinking of the snacks that awaits her return, "No, I'm not. Who are you?"

"Hiccup. I'm—"

"Gesundheit."

The mystery guy chuckled, "No, that's my name. Look, I'm sorry I - I thought..." His words were out of her ears and thought _who the hell name their kid Hiccup?_ She studied his physique, he's well built, _good_ , his light green V-neck shirt hugged his form and Merida could see the braid on his hair. "—It's said that the address is here, hmm, it must be a prank by that a-hole. I'm sorry, again."His voice rung again and Merida shook her head, confused by herself to why she was gawking at him.

"Nah, it's right. Flynn's inside. Come in." She stepped out of the way and let him in. The guy has an awkward stance in him - she could easily tell. She led him the way while shouting at no one in particular, "There's somebody here named Hiccup!" And to her surprise, Flynn acted on quickly, running to their direction and the guy with the funny name almost flinched as he expects Flynn's violent act of fondness. Merida watches as Flynn punched Hiccup by the arm and messing the guy's hair. She crossed her arm and looked directly at Flynn, which he abruptly stopped and surrendered his arms with a look that says 'No Homo.'

After that, the movie was put on pause and Flynn begun to introduce him to everyone, "This is Hiccup, my friend since Grade School, and these are my bitches –ow!" Rapunzel retaliated by flicking his noggin, "Sorry! _okay_ okay! This is my _sweet_ girlfriend, Punzie. The guy with the ridiculous hair is Jack, his girlfriend Elsa with the same ridiculous hair, Anna and her boyfriend, Kristoff."

Rapunzel smiled and greeted him ever so kindly, Jack smirked and exchange bro messages inside their minds, Elsa and Anna waved, but Anna was more the energetic one and Kristoff... _Well_ , he's being Kristoff. Merida was beginning to feel invisible so she cleared her throat, rather noisily I must say, earning their attention. " _Oops_ sorry, this is Merida, also known as Miss-Eats-A-Lot." pointing to the edible stash she scavenged on the fridge.

Merida's face was redder as her hair. She gave him the finger and went to her treasures, to Anna's surprise of finding her chocolate bar (Merida had made a growl when the bubbly girl was to snatch it, though unsuccessfully) they enjoyed the evening and she enjoyed her snacks.

"So," Anna said, breaking the silence. "That was fun."

"Fun? I think I may not want to be alone for the rest of the week."

"At least Lorraine sent the nun back to hell, right?"

"I guess. Hey! Imagine _if_ Merida dies in that sofa and decided to hunt us with her loud snorts every fricking night and the snacks would go missing." Flynn remarked with his teasing smirk at his redheaded friend.

"Imagine you die, the end." Merida retorted, while munching on Potato Chips.

It was already midnight and neither of them had wanted to go home and the siblings didn't want to be alone,regardless they've each other, inside their expansive mansion. Not after the movie has put them into a scary spell. It was decided that they would have a slumber party. They've put blankets and extra pillows (as if the ton of pillows weren't enough) and arranged themselves in a circle.

"Scary stories anyone?"

Anna received plenty of pillows on her way.

* * *

"How about a little quid-pro-quo?" Flynn suggested and even before Rapunzel could react about how irrelevant it was, his eyes spoke his true intentions.

"Oh yes! We should!" Punzie exclaimed rather joyfully, "I choose Flynn." And it dawned on them, except for the oblivious Merida and Hiccup.

And before Merida could pick, the scene evolves so fast that she couldn't see the three pairs snickering. Wait... If we're doing partner role that means... And she finally got it. _Traitors_ , she glared at her female friends.

She went to him anyway, "So..."

"Yeah..." He touched the back of his neck, sheepishly.

"Let's get this over with," she cleared her throat, "you ask first or I ask first?"

"Basically you just asked, now it's my turn." She took a challenging smile at his sarcasm, maybe this could work... "In a zombie-fied world, what would be your weapon?"

She broadly smiled; this was not your typical quid pro quo 'favorite color' kind of thing. "Bow and arrow." She said, not thinking of other things, "You?"

"Dragon."

"Dragon?"

"You get to choose and I get to choose. Spirit animal?"

"Whoa, hold on! I'm the next in turn to ask."

"You asked why a dragon, there I answered it."

Merida gaped at him, _he's unbelievable_. She smirks, "Alright. Hmm... Bear. You?"

"Still a dragon. If you could pick a food for free, which is it?"

"You have to ask the hardest question! Hmm... Ugh! Okay–Pie!"

"Why a pie?"

"Uh-ah," she wiggles her forefinger, "My turn. Why Hiccup?"

He blushed hotly, "My parents believe in some tradition that when someone named their child terribly, gnomes and other evil spirits would be scare of that awfully named child. I know, funny right? But there are much worser name than Hiccup." He breathed,"Um, Merida?"

"Yes?"

"You're the first person who I've told that and even Flynn doesn't know it and he's a prick, and he might blackmail me for—"

"I won't tell, I promise."

He gratefully smiles, making her heart flutter uncomfortably. "Do you have any siblings?"

"No, but I have one pet and he's much of a sibling to me." He casually laughed seeing her amuse eyes, "He's a dog, sort of. He has these catlike eyes. Which is weird for a dog and he doesn't bark much. Plus he loves fishes more than steak or bones."

"What's his name?"

"Toothless." He smiled, "When I first got him I thought he doesn't have any teeth. I could show him to you." He added sensing her want to see the glorious dog.

"Is that a promise?"

"Yep."

And then she realizes they were not playing anymore. Their own interests sparked up some conversation and both were laughing genuinely.

* * *

"I know right?! And she said a lady must not pick her nose in public." using her mother's tone for added effect.

"So that means you can pick your nose but not in public!" And then they laughed together, eyes almost watering. Hiccup calmed and smiles at her, "My dad had me left alone on a forest once."

Merida inhaled, "What– _why_?"

"For survival. A tradition of ancestors. I was 8 years old then."

"You're joking."

"Nope. He came back the next day like nothing happened, he even asked me if I happen to have foughta wild bore."

"And?"

Hiccup shrugged, "Meh. I was practically pissing myself the whole night. Don't tell anyone that." Then he smiles, almost painfully.

Merida can imagine it now. Little Hiccup on a dark, scary forest. Fending for himself. A tradition that meant for boys his age was scarring enough. She imagined him hiding in some bushes, crying and hungry. Calling out for someone, calling for his dad to come and pick him up. "Thank you." She heard the crack in her own voice.

"For what?"

"For telling me that. For trusting."

"Well, I think this won't be our last unique conversation." He beamed at her, and she in return.


	3. Chapter 3

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

Wayward Daughters

* * *

Merida Dunbroch's monday morning was not a happy one.

She was a morning person; however, the effects of the party last night deemed her incapable of waking up early. _That_ and she could feel the sun's ray of light scorching her face. She didn't remember opening the window, did she? The moment she opened her eyes at 11:07 am and was surprise to see her mother sitting in her chair, looking at her. It was a truly horrifying moment than any of the scary movies she'd watched.

"What are you doin' here?" Squinting her eyes, checking if she's really awake. Her mother would pop up in her dreams and now, in her bedroom. _Great_.

"You didn't call yesterday or the other day. Your first semester has finally ended and you didn't come home. Should you be waking up early?" Her mum's ever the strict voice rung around her room.

"This is why I don't come home." She muttered under her breath.

"A proper lady does not—"

"Mutter. I know, I know."

She could sense her mother's eyes on her. Merida grunted and the sleepiness has runaway. She stands up and walked past her mother and into the bathroom.

"You reek of alcohol."

Merida rolled her eyes. Her mother would always notice the bad things about her. She decided to ignore her mother's complain about the mess that was her room and her dilly dallying. Merida looked at herself in the mirror, _I am too old for this shite_. She would always be a rebellious mess in her eyes.

"Your room is a pigsty and this apartment is lacking in hygiene. Why do you live in this kind of shambles?" Her mother added when she got out of the bathroom.

Merida's lips twitched, stopping herself from saying _"Because I like it in here, a place where I can get dirty without you patronizing me."_ and instead said, "Because this is all I could afford."

"You could always come home, you know." Her mother tenderly smiles at her, "And if you do, I'll open your account again." She tucked a stray hair out of Merida's face.

"You don't understand. This is my home now." Merida said, pulling back the stray hair to where it was. "I can do whatever I want." She added.

After that situation with her mother, Merida was feeling rather annoyed. Elinor had made a little speech about being mature enough to handle situations such as buying tons of Domex and cleaning chemicals, and Merida had effortlessly shrugged her words off. Yet the thought of her mother's unending rant about her lifestyle seems to put her on edge. Elinor Dunbroch will not stop pestering her. Under her roof or not, as long as Merida still breathes air.

The vibrate and sound of a new text shook her from her irksome thoughts about a certain mom. She read the text;

 **From** :(Hiccup)

 _I woke up with a nice hangover._

 **To** :(Hiccup)

 _nc? shud u be cursin da world nd ur typing shud b at lest messy._

 **From** :(Hiccup)

 _A little tidbit, my redhead friend... I'm, forevermore, would prepare myself in case of party and booze._

 **To** :(Hiccup)

 _boo u weres da fun in dat?_

 **From:** (Hiccup)

 _The next morning when you won't get any incoming headache and not feel bad about yourself. That's the fun._

 **To** :(Hiccup)

 _touche._

 **From** :(Hiccup)

 _Wanna get coffee?_

 **To** :(Hiccup)

 _Hmm i like choc macchiato your treat! thnx in advance!_

* * *

"I'm going to my dad's next weekend." Hiccup said, before sipping on his caramel flavored coffee.

Merida licked the whip cream on her straw, "Eh? Why?"

"I usually go there during semester breaks."

"So you're going away for a few miles?"

"Country."

Merida blinked. Her goal of licking all of the cream was terminated as she kept her gaze at the guy in front of her. "Country? As in goodbye America and hello God-knows-where?"

Hiccup lightly laughed then gesturing to her, "You got something on that... wait," He leaned in closer to her. Merida could smell his perfume. Was it Jean Paul Gaultier? Calvin Klein? Definitely Giorgio Armani... She did not move a muscle, she was stiff and her eyes quickly shut. The moment Hiccup leaned in closer, closer and... She felt something smooth on the side of her lips, _Oh my god_.

"You got some cream there." He said before throwing the tissue away, "Anyway, kinda like 'Goodbye Amurica and Hello Sweden!' Yehey." He then notices the sudden wide eyes of Merida. "What?"

"Sweden! That's so far! Are you a descendant of–"she flicks her fingers knowingly, " _Vikings!_ "

"Still am." He shrugged. Something in his voice has a little flinch in it and Merida wondered why. Hiccup seemed to think about other places as he stare at his half-gone coffee, _he didn't even blink!_ Merida stopped drinking hers and thought about a certain heritage...

"My mum told me I was named after my great-great-great and more great grand aunt, Merida the Brave. She was a highlander Princess who's the first to break tradition on marriage." She said, voice brimming in pride.

His eyes found hers and the light have now appeared, "Wow. It's like something you would do."

Merida stuck her tongue out at him, "Well, she's a warrior herself. Just like me."

Hiccup hummed then squints his eyes at her, "Highlander huh? We're practically enemies."

"Indeed we are, ruffian."

"I am but a viking who's offering a treaty of peace."

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrow, playfully, "And what it is that you want to offer about?"

"Marriage."

Merida, wide eyed and shock written all over her face, was hiding the fact she's feeling a little bit jittery. Until Hiccup laughed in hysterics, she too followed but the weird feeling in her gut stayed.

Merida returned to her apartment from her meeting with Hiccup. She found the comfort of her bed as she fixes her gaze on the ceiling. It could use some new paint. She later grimaces when she thought she'd heard her own mother's voice. She decided that paint is no longer needed. _Nor Domex_.

She will live just fine. Even in her own. She'd wanted to taste independence, and independent she will be. It may be hard that she's far from her real home and miles away, she said it was for the best, than be cooped up by her own mother's choking love and rules. She's meant to be something greater...

When Merida closes her eyes, she dreams of a princess with a bow and arrow, targeting the bulls-eye. Her hair was as fiery red as hers and when she finally looked at her eyes, she then knew who she was.


	4. Chapter 4

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

Red

* * *

It's been a week since she'd met the boy with a funny name. That fateful day had her life go changing when the two decided to keep in touch.

And they did.

Merida couldn't exactly pinpoint the unlikely friendship they've achieved, and yet it feels like they've been friends for years... Something that Merida wouldn't confess to him. The guy's basically a paragon of sarcasm and dark wit.

Merida was currently munching on a pizza that Hiccup brought (his treat, again) and was enjoying every bit of it. "You chow down like my cousin."

"Thanks." She said between bites. A woman had looked at her from her table and shook her head, kind of like her mother would do.

Hiccup laughed, "And that's saying a lot." His slice was done and he stared at her, which in Merida's mind was quite a bit intimidating. He was, sometimes, like that; he'd stare at her and in an indescribable expression (by the way), and make her fidget invisibly. She's not sure if he's ever done that to others but hell, he's doing it right now. "Seven days." He said out of the blue.

"What?" She had the courage to finally swallow the pizzas she's been entering her mouth.

"We've been talking for seven days and I still don't know what you're taking up in your class."

Merida scrunched her eyebrows. "And that's important, because?"

Hiccup leaned on the table, "Maybe I'm talking to a con artist and been buying her food since the day I've met her. You could share some a little educational background, Missy."

She almost choked on the water she's drinking. Merida looked at him as if he'd grown three heads before snorting -which made the woman look at her again; disgust was on her eyes- "Where did you even get that from?"

"Been watching CSI and you could have some ulterior motive."

"Or you could have an ulterior motive. You wouldn't think about this if you're not the one thinking about things on your filthy head." She laughed and picks up a crumb to throw at him.

Hiccup dodges it carefully and throws a tissue paper at her. Their little shenanigan was put to a stop when the same woman who's been looking at Merida with disdain in her eyes was coughing, rather noisily and deliberately. Merida squints her eyes at her, "This is not a five fucking star restaurant!" she said, her anger couldn't control the loudness of her voice. Some of the customers look at them, being nosy as they are.

Hiccup quickly stood up and waved his hands, assessing that the situation isn't as big of a problem. "I'm sorry about that, Ma'am. You may continue eating." Merida widened her eyes and muttered; _Traitor._

Hiccup was following suit when Merida stomped her way out of Pizza Hut. But before leaving, Merida had come to the woman's table and looks at her straight in the eyes and said, "I can do that and this." then she burped right on her face.

The loudest burp he ever listened to.

* * *

The two hadn't spoken. Hiccup thought she was angry at him; and Merida, whereas thought that Hiccup is finally disgusted at her. Well, he can't really blame her, can he? She's been like that for as long as she remembers. Even her mother was ready to disown her if given the chance.

Hiccup looks at her and he concluded that she was avoiding his gaze. What for? Hiccup wasn't sure. Her hair was shining in the afternoon sun and cascaded a fiery glow. A speech about the color of a hair has come to his mind; it said that whichever hair color you got it signifies to what kind of a person you are. Hiccup might agree to it, Red is passionate and strong, so as Merida. But he might not agree to it fully... Blondes mean they're always rambunctious and flippant. He can't really concur that. Hiccup knew a certain blonde that wasn't exactly Miss Poppin, _but Odin_ , he was sure that she resembles a striking similarity to the redhead beside him.

And they're still walking with perspective thoughts on their head.

"I'm beginning to think that you hate me." Hiccup said, stopping in his track. He'd wanted to at least talk to her; the silence between them was awkwardly painful.

Merida stops walking and stares at him. "No. I was the one thinking you hate me now."

"Why would you say that?"

"About that trouble." Merida shrugged, not wanting to remember the dispute earlier. Although, she chuckled at the memory of the woman's flabbergasted reaction.

Hiccup stared at her, incredulously. She thought that he's embarrassed by her? "You think I'm mortified by what you've done?"

"Duh. I mean, I was pretty much unladylike to that lady but fuckity _fuck_ , she deserves it."

"Of course not! What you did back there was awesome!" He then did something she was sure she's shocked to see, he laughs.

Merida was known to be a prankster and an unkempt girl at heart; never did she found someone who would laugh at her slovenly ways. Well, her closest male friends were exempted because they're as dirty as hers (except for Kristoff who said twice, she was raised in a barn) and Flynn was the typical college guy who wasn't into cleaning and Jack was just as worse, only caring for his hair. But she, on the other hand, was no excuse to be in such a state of disarray. She's a lady! -her mum would say, dramatically painful- and she's mostly had a hard time opening up her real self to people she doesn't know yet. Afraid to be judged, like what her mother usually does.

But Hiccup- this guy was peculiar enough to encourage her. And they've just met a week ago.

"You're kidding, right?"

Hiccup stops and said "no." Before continuing to laugh at the memory of her and the snobby lady.

Hiccup suggested a nice coffee house despite Merida's protests that it was still 3 in the afternoon. After a seemingly long minutes of the coffee debacle, Hiccup had finally convinced her when he pointed out that Merida herself was eating hamburgers and fries at breakfast hour, she sighed in defeat - which she exasperatedly added "I can eat whatever I want and when I want, viking."

* * *

Merida was done with her Macchiato when she heard a couple of college students talking about courses. Hiccup was obviously enjoying his bitter black coffee; the silence was put to end its reign when she asked him: "What are you studying now?"

He blinked, and then smiles up at her. "Mechanical Engineering. How about you?"

He saw how her face struggle to remain typical, "Kinetics. Why mechanical engineering?"

"Why not?" He laughed a little, "Maybe because I like mechanism and someday I'll conduct my own robot dragon."

"What is it about dragons?" She asked, almost unbelievable. Merida would soon think that he has this kind of fetish on dragons...maybe it's a boy thing? Merida couldn't understand. She wasn't one for the pink girls, but hell, she wasn't that overly tomboy who likes everything boys likes to do.

"They have wings."

She stared at him for his obviousness. "Birds have them too and dragons don't exist, at least not anymore."

"I know but if you think about it, those does not exist are somewhat fascinating as if you're imagining that they do exist. Dragons don't answer to any man and they're free. No one to contradict and no one to stop." His voice sounded wistful, almost in a dreamlike melody. Merida, however, imagined a dragon. A dragon as red as her hair and being wild and free. No one can argue with that dragon, not even angry mothers and snotty ladies in Pizza Hut.


	5. Chapter 5

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

A debate on gender equality and the war of the sexes

 **(Part One)**

* * *

Merida was savoring the taste of nachos when raised voices where audible, too audible, inside her ears. She had to growl in frustration to let them know her contempt but the people she's currently associated with were behaving like wild banshees. Merida almost laughed at herself; she was actually thinking that they're misbehaving! And here she was not leading the argument! _What has happened to you?_ She said to her inner reckless self.

"You don't get it, boy, just because you think you are men that doesn't mean you're the only ones to take seriously!"

"I'm not implying that, Blondie; I'm just saying you're just tad too short and chattery to look serious." A laugh follows.

"You're egotistical, you know that?"

"Says the girl who spent her 16 years growing her hair before cutting it because it's the new trend."

Snort.

"Well, I have you know it wasn't my idea to grow it so long! You stepped on them twice! And it's not that bad if we want to follow trends, what are you, a hipster or in some cult that hates mainstream too much? Anyway, don't you dare try me, Flynn. I know you have a crazy fetish for crowns."

"What the fuck, man?" Jack's laughter bellowed.

Flynn smacks the back of Jack's head, "You're suppose to side with me."

"Geez, can't a guy get a good laugh? You're uptight! Calm down man, you're becoming like a girl, I'd say."

Anna retorted, "And you have a sick fetish for crooked staff."

"I do not!" Jack furiously reddened.

Anna looks past at Jack, at her sister, as if to say 'really, Elsa?' and held an incredulous look on her face.

"You kinda do." Elsa finally said. Looking sheepishly at Jack.

"Why?" Jack feigning a look of hurt, hands on his chest, "I thought you love me."

"I do, and even you have that... fondness for -erm... _That_ , I still do."

"Let's cut the bull, we all know guys are way more awesome even with our cravings," Flynn cuts in, clearly not liking the idea of them making up or worse, making out in this place. "And you, Blondie, is just as bad as me, like, paper lanterns? Really?"

Rapunzel sat up, startled and offended at the thought, "Ugh! _Conceited_ , I tell you, conceited!" she now looked at Merida, "Are you not going to say anything about this?!"

The redhead raised her eyebrow in question, "And now you're noticing me?"

Rapunzel has the urge to roll her eyes, "You're too preoccupied!" holding out her arms to represent the nachos and fries on the table.

"Nah, I'll just leave it to you kids, this is a fight I don't have the patience to indulge in." Merida said while popping fries inside her mouth.

"I can't believe you!" Rapunzel stared at her in disbelief.

"Let's be real guys, without us -men, you'll not be able to open up pickle jars. It's high time for you ladies to learn your place in the kitch- _OW_!" Merida abruptly flicked Flynn on the ear; the latter looked at her and hissed.

"Okay I'm in!" Merida announced, still chewing a nacho, "Anything and everything guys can do, girls can do it better." she said.

Anna, who was making saccharine looks at Kristoff, finally stood up, "Anything boys can do, we can do better."

"Why am I feeling that you've sang it in a sing-song kind of tune from somewhere..." Merida muttered.

" _Annie Get Your Gun_." Elsa nodded, "you're good, 10 points to girls!"

"How is that counted?" Flynn said, crossing his arms.

"Musicals are the best. You can't do it, can you?" Rapunzel challenged him, a fierce look on her face, whereas Flynn did the same.

" _Ooooh_ —It's on!"

* * *

A game it is.

The couples (plus Merida!) have been at it for god knows how many hours. Determination in the air at the price of irrational pride. Merida, of course, was the single pringle out of them. "And I thought It's Girls versus Boys, seems like a partner war..." silently muttering to herself. Suddenly —she saw something blue slightly moves, readying her gun for an unwanted attack, closing her eyes and listened intently.

Crunch.

Merida hastily jumped out of her hiding place, gun in hand and ready to shoot. A flash of blue appears, just as she dodges an incoming assault when someone had bumped her on the back, sending her to the cold ground. She remembered a gooey color blue of a ball hits her on her tummy, cursing, and a lot of happy cheering from baritone voices.

She stayed like that on the ground, not wanting to move, eyes closed and still holding her gun. At this moment, she felt at peace, blocking out the triumphant cheers of her idiot male friends. The floor was now like bed to her as she contemplates sleeping on it, maybe a minute or so, and then again she could hear footsteps on the floor followed by a bitter murmur, "The boys won this round."

Merida grunted in response, "Yeah, no shit."

Still not bothering to open her eyes, Merida felt something, a tugging somewhere on her feet then a —"What the fuck!?" Merida was being hauled on the floor, with her feet on the air, by Anna and Rapunzel. "What the hell are you two doing?!"

"We're devising a plan."

Merida slumped her head back while being dragged on the ground, starting to regret that she signed up for this.

"You go this way," pointing to the left, "and I'll go that way.," pointing to the farthest right, "and Elsa, please, please make sure Anna is in check." Rapunzel gave Anna a meaningful look.

"Hey! I'm so totally in check!"

"I've seen you two aiming at each other then proceeding to shoot in an unreasonable method. Like a couple suicide, but with paintball guns, and minus death."

"Kristoff has purely nothing to do with this. He was dragged by his own will! He wouldn't even want to play this kind of game."

Merida chortles, "Go figure. He'd rather play house with his dog and clean the living room multiple times, sometimes using his saliva as antiseptic."

"Hey!"

Shrugging her shoulders, Merida, despite their shortcoming, gave out a hearty sentence, "Let's give them our A-game, gals!"

* * *

Rapunzel Corona was no pushover.

Sure she does whatever her nonbiological mother's command, she is a grateful adoptive daughter after all, but that was before the big reveal. Sighing, Rapunzel hid further in the dark, gun on her slightly shaking hands. Flynn had done it. He's testing her temperament again. He knows how and when to push her buttons, and she's going to make him regret belittling her.

Flowery Punzel, that's what most people call her, that's what everyone thinks of her; soft Rapunzel, sweet Rapunzel, compassionate Rapunzel... It made her sick. She's never taken very seriously by other people because of her sanguineous personality, now; she's going to make a point to her blabber mouth of a boyfriend.

"I can smell your perfume, Blondie." His voice rung out, taunting in the air. Rapunzel made an extra effort not to growl.

She blended in the dark, an advantage, but she couldn't see where he was. Closing her eyes shut, Rapunzel decided to feel her surroundings - she sensed footsteps, light they may be but it was audible enough for her keen ears.

She wiggled out of her hiding spot, his outline was visible, his broad shoulders flexed up as he aimed the gun straight ahead. Unfortunately for him, she was behind him. Walking like a graceful gazelle was no easy task, however, for Rapunzel's petite form and lithesome weight, there's no such thing as a heavy footsteps.

"It's Brunette to you." Flynn quickly looked behind him; the mouth of the gun was few inches away from his chest. He was aghast to see that look on her face despite of smudges of paint—it was something he wasn't used to. She'd only made that kind of look when she defended herself and him from the old hag... he didn't know if he's to be scared or be amuse by her. Before he could facial his expression, she'd already pulled the trigger.

That crazed look in her face changes to a smirk.

* * *

"Mayday! We need backup!"

"Dude, relax."

"How can I?! Blondie's winning!"

"Correction: The girls are winning, and they've won two or three times, I guess. No pressure."

"Guess again, Six times."

Jack widened his eyes, "I'll be damned. Wow, we've been at it, huh? So," shrugging his shoulders, "Can we eat now?"

"We're not done yet."

"Bull, man. Can we at least have something to replenish our aching stomach?"

"You're just as bad as Merida. After the game, If we won, the girls are gonna pay. That's the deal."

"Total shit. It's gonna take us hours to beat them! How are you not objecting to his ideas?"

Kristoff looks at them, boredom in his eyes, "The faster this game ends, it doesn't matter whose team wins."

"That's the game spirit!" Flynn deadpanned. "Speaking of Merida, she's the heart of the group, the guarded sniper, making us outnumbered. She doesn't have no competition in this."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Then it dawned on them.

Flynn smiles so hard, it felt like it was breaking up his face, "I know someone."

 _She's going to be so pissed._


	6. Chapter 6

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

A debate on gender equality and the war of the sexes (and how to win them)

 **(Part Two)**

* * *

"Tell me why I'm agreeing to this?" With raised eyebrow, Hiccup nonchalantly crossed his arms.

"Because," Flynn started using an air of flare, "we can't let those damsels win-"

"And the winner gets a hundred bucks, thanks to our high and mighty leader – Flynn of House Stupid." said Jack, who is fuming and hungry at the same time.

"Hey! We made a deal."

"But you didn't tell us you agreed to a bet with your girlfriend! Man, think of that money when we lose!"

"Jack, shut up." Flynn turned to Hiccup, "All we need is to win and- and! You'll get some of our fair share of the prize. You can buy that wing something that you've been blabbering about."

Rolling his eyes, Hiccup geared up and donned on his mask. He couldn't even say no to Flynn because of— "You owe me big time, Haddock, remember that?" Yep, he remembered. And Hiccup didn't want to remember that particular memory.

He'd just have to deal with it, and hopefully deal whatever's coming on his way.

* * *

Merida walked swiftly and gracefully that she had wished for her mother to see her. But then again, this kind of game would be a shake of the head to her, no matter how flowery her posture right now.

She hid behind the wall. Her predator was on the side of it and she could certainly hear his footsteps getting farther and farther away from her covert. Grinning, she steps out, and rapidly aims for her supposed target— there he is, his back is facing her and she felt a victory snarl coming out on her mouth until a sound of crunching behind her tingled her ears.

Merida could sense the air slowly garrote her. The person behind her isn't on her team; she turned around to see someone, his gun aiming at her. Merida move quickly to shoot that particular person, but not quickly enough as the person pulled his trigger faster than her mother's yapping.

And she was too late. The paintball is on her way, landing straight to her armored stomach.

Merida saw the overly familiar green bandana on her shooter's upper arm.

"Traitor!"

* * *

Merida was shouting behind him, he dared not look for he already imagined the coloring of fury on her face.

The moment she had been shot, Merida had walked furiously to his way and pulled out his mask (in a death grip, I tell you) and begun to exclaim colorful obscenities to his way. Hiccup thought, for a moment, he'd lived in some distant memory of his adolescent days. There was an argument too, a girl gripping his shirt like Merida does (only Merida was of a maximum grip, really) and Merida's hair isn't blonde. Hiccup contemplated whether they're actually the same person, Merida and the not-so-forgotten girl. They've the same ferocity and both have the capacity to throw an anger-filled of a one punch. "Ow!" He said after Merida showed her affection.

"Bloody traitor!"

"You sound like the Captain Stormtrooper." Hiccup said while rubbing the sore spot on his arm.

"It's because you're on the wrong side of the team, traitor."

Hiccup stopped and looked straight at her in the eyes. Merida could feel herself becoming flustered but she won't show it to him, fucking green eyes, his smile faltered. "Are you implying that I'm not a man?"

 _Oops._

She hadn't meant that, of course, but he wasn't supposed to be on the guys' team. The intensity of his eyes made her stomach awkward and painfully weird. She gulped the saliva forming on her mouth.

Just to make matters worse, Hiccup leaned in closer and the space between them became thinner until no such space exists. His eyes never leaving hers, and she could not move from her spot. She didn't know why, but her body was being a fucking ninny. The voice inside her head was screaming fuck on a continuous loop. Then his face. _Oh god_ , he moved his face towards her in a disturbing proximity. Her eyes almost bulged upon her realization when he suddenly laughed, "Gotcha."

The air around then became normal, the awful feeling in her stomach has died out, and the smirk on his face was crystal clear, leaving only her rapid heartbeat. Speechless Merida was still zoning out, which Hiccup was thoroughly confused; why haven't she punched him yet? Hiccup would definitely not ask her that and thanked the gods for their leniency, then he clamped his hand on her shoulder, "I would like a wager, Princess of Dunbroch, if my team wins, you have to cook me a delicious meal for a month. And if you win, I owe you a favor of your heart's desire, just not the sexual kind, okay?" He winked at her at the last part.

As if broken out of a spell, Merida blinked three times and found her voice, "Asshat." Her hand eagerly accepted his and, again, gripped them with such volume. She stormed off, but not before stepping on his left foot.

Hiccup's smirk never left his face.

* * *

"The score is tied. We need to win this."

"No pressure."

"Don't you give that tone on me, Haddock."

"Chill, dude."

"Shut up, Jack."

"I should've been at home; god knows what Sven is up to now."

"You can lick your dog's face later, Kristofferson." Flynn squared his shoulders, "We need a strategy. We're pretty much crucial right now, as you might not notice. It's 9 and 9, and we need to have that one point to win this shit. Think of that money I get to— ow! _We_ get to spend. Now stop being pussies and get that damned score!"

The boys, except Flynn, growled and in tiresome unison said, "Shut it, Eugene Fitzherbert."

* * *

 _You're gonna owe me, Hiccup ol' friend._

Merida tied her hair into a high ponytail— something she rarely do, and if she did, it means it's her 'game face on'. It's been half an hour and the war is still heating up as Merida contemplates the stakes are going higher and higher and even her friends' relationship is at cost. _Oh well_ , it's not like she gives a cow's shit to their love lives. She shrugged and set the goal in her mind that when her team wins she could buy that new PSE Stinger X and _an ultimatum for Hiccup._

She's not one for competition, but when an understatement of the feminity comes to a topic; her face goes redder than her hair. The guys at the Uni thought of her as an infuriated feminist, they couldn't just accept her being better at sports. _Sometimes, males are stupid and dirty lot, and I'm perfectly fine not mating with them._

"Stay low, red!" Rapunzel's sweet voice was no more, but of a commanding officer. Merida saw two black strokes on each cheek, whether it was paint or eyeliner, she didn't want to ask. Rapunzel looked like a ballistic Amazonian woman.

Rapunzel motioned her to go to the right side and she complies. Merida walked on light steps like a gazelle with the paint-gun on her hand. She looks to the left, and to the right, and saw no one. She took it as a safe haven and sat on the floor. A sudden sound comes out of the system's speakers to inform that 1 of her teammates and 1 from the boys have been shot and now are out of the game. Chuckling, Merida knew already who that two person are. _For never was a story of more woe. Than this of Juliet and her Romeo._

Just as she was about to make herself comfortable, her keen ears hear a sound of light footsteps. She knows those weren't from her team, they're too masculine enough. She scurried on a hiding spot, to where a netted blockage is artfully propped. The figure emerged and Merida smiles at wickedly to herself. He's going to her trap, and he wouldn't even notice it until she won.

The green bandana moved along the movements of his arm, and she anticipated her next move.

* * *

Merida came surging to him with a war cry escaping her lips like a shield-maiden on a battlefield. They collided down on the ground but Hiccup has the upper hand as he maneuvered his body so that he was on top of her and oddly enough, she didn't struggle, and he got easily her weapon. Their position right now could make him blush hotly like a schoolgirl but the circumstances are not of a laughing matter.

The loud 'ting' of the board said that the 2 from the girls and 2 from the boys are now out of the game and it was down to him and Merida on different teams. They're the last. _Win this now Hiccup._

" _What the_ —" Hiccup's words were easily cut off when Merida rolled off of him and jumped upright where she faced him, a determined expression written all over her.

He took hold of the weapon that was near (which was hers) and quickly pulled the trigger...

And nothing came out.

Realization dawned on Hiccup when he pulled three times and not a single blast of paint comes out.

 _They collided down on the ground but Hiccup has the upper hand as he maneuvered his body so that he was on top of her and oddly enough, she didn't struggle, and he got easily her weapon._

She planned it all along _._

A devilish grin was upon her vengeful lips, some of her hair that has escaped the ponytail is framing her lithe face and her blue eyes, _and damn,_ they were pretty distracting. Then she throws the paint-balloon on his chest. He haven't got the time to react when it pop and splattered over him.

 _That sly woman!_

The board made a loud 'ting!' and the wide scoreboard announced their champion. Hiccup smiles to himself, despite of losing, he felt very happy watching Merida do the chicken dance. Of course, he couldn't be a sourpuss or a sore loser, Merida would happily remind him that though. She abruptly stopped, looking at him, and then winked. "What 'bout that, Haddock?"

He accepted her hand, "You're pretty good." Once he got up, he towered over Merida and leaned in closer to her, "But still not the best as I am."

Merida snorted and punched him, moderately, on the arm, where the green bandana was. "Yeah right, the look on your face earlier said otherwise."

As they're headed to the exit, they heard the wailings of someone familiar...It was like the cry of a wounded animal and a loss of something important.

"This can't be happening!" It's Flynn.


	7. Chapter 7

**I hope this long chapter is good enough apology for the lack of updates.**

* * *

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

A debate still on gender equality and the war of the sexes (and how to win them) _and Flynn doubling the stakes_

 **(Final Part)**

* * *

 _A fucking moron._

That's what Flynn is.

Hiccup face-palmed, real hard, and regretted ever friending him. Why were they even friends? Oh right, it was after the big accident he would never forget and Flynn would happily remind him that. The mischievous clod.

"Where would you find two hundred bucks, honey dear?" Rapunzel flashed her dazzling smile at her boyfriend.

Hiccup asks the same, but with a catatonic tone, "Yeah, honey dear, where would you find them?"

"Honey dear, don't you worry your pretty little head now, and the great big emphasis is that _'IF YOU WIN'_." Flynn winked at Rapunzel, and he turned to Hiccup, "We'll find a way to find it if ever it comes to that, Honey dearest." He doesn't wink at him.

Hiccup grunted and stared at the plate before him, not finding his appetite to eat. He then checked for his phone for any message, nothing, he presumed boring himself out.

"I feel so sad about them, Can I...?" Merida's voice was hoarse due to the fact that her mouth was full.

Hiccup pushed the plate towards her. She nodded her head rather enthusiastically and Hiccup have seen tiny bits of food —bread crumbs, to be precise— landing on the table, near his arm, from her mouth. He chuckled.

"What would it be then?" Rapunzel's determined eyes set upon them.

"Basketball?"

Rapunzel stared hard at Flynn. "Let's do something that my team and yours can do. Let's get real, only Merida's pro at that."

"So," he cleared his throat, "Are you saying that you can't do it?"

She stared harder.

"5 points to us, boys."

"Fine." She muttered. Too tired to deal with his crap. Rapunzel knew she was not the sporty type, _hell_ , even Anna and Elsa weren't.

Anna raised her hand, "What about a cooking contest?"

"We'd burn the house down." Flynn commented, they seemed to nod in agreement, and then everyone started to make suggestions.

Hiccup looks at Merida, and she's still chowing down her meal. He wondered whether she can cook, she did consented to their little bet earlier. He's now more eager to defeat her.

"Skiing?"

"In the middle of summer?"

"Tug war?"

"It's 11:08 in the evening, where on earth can we find a place to do that?"

"Limbo?"

"Too strenuous."

"Dance?"

"We already did _that_ two hours ago! I never even knew Kristoff could dance."

"Kristoff the Dance God, how did you learn?"

"Well, I did practice with Sven back when I was in 5th grade. We entered the Kiddie-Pup-Dance-A-Thon, and won second place, the first was an Indian kid named Mowgli and his Kanni breed called Baloo. _Hmp_ , they weren't that great." They all looked at Kristoff, it made him uneasy so he cleared his throat, "So...how about Sled-making?"

"And comes Kristoff the Weird, again." Flynn retorted. Anna made sure to hit Flynn on the head with a paper towel.

"How about craft making?"

"We'd be equally crap at it."

Silence came as each of them was thinking. Except for Merida- still carefully devouring her meal. Hiccup was earnestly looking at her, thinking of how many times she brushes her difficult curly hair before she gets out starting her day. Merida caught him and swallowed down her food, she pointedly glared at him, "You may as well take a picture of me eating and stare at it, you sick bastard."

He snickered and held up his hand in pardon. She barely acknowledges him and resumed what she was doing, consuming her third sandwich. Hiccup taps the table and an idea formed his mind. "Oh yes— it's a good idea, Mer!"

She looked at him, not amused.

"Not that! What I mean is the picture thing. We could do a photo scavenger hunt."

Jack, who was partially listening, nodded in approval. "That'd be great, honestly."

Elsa nodded her agreement too, "It'll be a fair and square and we could do a twist into it."

"What twist?"

"You boys will be choosing the dares for us and vice versa, so that no team could cheat."

"And the rules are that no one will be permitted outside the perimeter. No going to houses, but Wal-Mart or 7 eleven is okay. No one can tell outsiders of what we're doing and there should be a bell to whose group shall finish first to alarm the losers. Remember, 5 dares only."

"No, make it 10!" Flynn, the dumbass he was, decided to smugly announced.

" _Okay,_ " Hiccup rolled his eyes, "10, but where would we go for this activity? It's almost midnight. I think no other place is any good."

"Hey! How about Easter's Park?"

"Jack, first of— Easter's Park is close for the night, and secondly, the park owner hates you."

"First of, I got the keys. Second, Bunny loves me! Everyone loves me! And third, don't ask why I got the keys."

"Alright! Let's do this!"

"Uh, Sven needs me back home..." Kristoff said but none of them are listening to him.

"I'm in." Rapunzel happily chirped.

They heard a ahem, and for once, Merida decides to give her opinion before burping out loud (earning everyone's attention and the people from the other table across them) She looked all of them in the eyes with that beaming resolution dancing inside her blue orbs. "Okay, I'm full. Let's get goin'."

It was a kind of a pep talk that no one seems to appreciate but Hiccup, as he grinned wildly at her and everyone, "Alright!"

* * *

Kristoff was really anxious tonight. Not because they've a 99% chance that they'll lose somehow, but it's really about what he'll find out inside his home after all these shenanigans they've been at.

He left Sven alone in his apartment.

He loves Sven, really he does. He even shares his food with him. But Kristoff doesn't trust his dog in terms of Sven being left behind. The dog likes to run and mess his whole place up—looking like Jack's room. He even wondered if Jack was a dog in another life.

Flynn muttered something about girls and their impossible, stupid dares. Kristoff has some glaring questions inside his mind but he wisely chose one instead—"How would you get a shocking two hundred dollars when the girls won?"

"Your sentence has a lot of shit right there, Bjorgman. And to answer that, we will chirp in, each and every one of us." Kristoff grimaces at the last part. He knew he shouldn't have asked that horrifying question when Flynn demanded all of their wallets, _"So none of you would do something stupid like sneaking out and quitting the game because you're too pussies losing to girls."_ Flynn took hold of their wallets - including his - and sealed them together in a pouch inside his satchel. "And _if_ the girls win. First, they'll probably pop their eyes out when they see the last photo dare I got for them." Seeing Flynn's creepy expression, Kristoff doesn't want to know that particular dare.

"Hey, Flynn? How are we gonna find a tomspoon? What is that anyway?"

"Beats me."

"Maybe it's some kind of a fancy spoon."

Kristoff looked at the all too familiar of a cursive-yet-messy-like-chicken-stampede handwriting. "Guys— I think... I think it's _tampons_."

"What?"

"What?"

 _"What?"_

Kristoff sighed, weary and hopelessness cursing through his veins. _This is going to be a long night_. Looking at the evil paper where the dares are written, this is going to be a long and shameful night. If he ever comes home, a nice cup of cocoa would be very helpful. Of course, that is if his dog haven't created chaos in his abode, he shouldn't worry. Then again, it's Sven he's thinking of. That dog is innocent and evil at the same time. He thought of his well-loved beanie that Sven attempted to munch one time; thank god he caught it before he'd done any damage. But Sven, oh boy, he kept sniffling and biting things. Thankfully, the beanie is at his bedroom. Out of Sven's demon teeth.

"So we'll have to buy tampons and take a picture of us sticking it inside our nose?" From the way Jack said it, the boys groaned in frustration.

All in all, his heart was beating—pounding in his chest, sweat decorating his forehead even though the temperature was down, and it's all because of Sven.

Well, that, and the 99% chance they'll lose.

* * *

"I'm not happy about this." Merida muttered, openly glaring at her female friends.

"We're not either." Rapunzel muttered back, eyes still looking aghast at the sentence before her.

It somehow bewildered her that the boys could actually think of these...horrid ideas. Having to witness Rapunzel scribbling her part of the dares earlier had been quite scarring enough, as Merida haven't in a million years thought flowery Punzie could even write those unspeakable dares. Merida silently applauded her, whereas— the boys'... _they're nasty players_.

They've accomplish 3 dares out of 10 and so far— the dare only gets harder and harder and worrisome. _The boys are fucktarts_. Merida agreed viciously. The aforementioned dares they've done had been... disgraceful. They were like boys in a nutshell.

"Who's in charge of the..." Anna's voice rung around the field with a shiver, "photos?"

"I got them." Elsa quips, rather quickly, as if carrying the cursed photographs were dishonorable enough. "Don't worry; I wouldn't lose them, ever."

 _Ditto._

Once they're done of this whole ordeal, she's going to burn their shameful photos to the ground until they become just an ash in the air. But for now, they'll have to _'poke your fingers inside any brown mushy-looking things (example: shit and whatnots ;))'_

Merida suspected Jack was the culprit of this dare, and looking at Elsa's blank yet meaningful stare at the ground, it was confirmation enough.

"Gals!" Rapunzel yelled, she's at least half a kilometer away from them. "I saw something...it's brown and— _yep_ , they're mushy enough... I don't think it's, uh, crap though. Maybe mud?"

 _Welp_. Might as do the cursed dare. Two hundred bucks might suffice but the humiliation comes from the photos aren't so worth it.

If the guys even accomplish their mission, it would mean they've done the most disgusting dare the girls—well, it was Rapunzel's idea— ever written, _then I'll be damned_.

* * *

"Dammit."

"Yes, well, talking doesn't achieve this—"

"Shut up, Bjorgman, just keep your mouth shut so I can focus. Jack, when I count to three you snap the polaroid fast!"

"Aye aye, cap'n! Enjoy licking Kristoff's chin!"

* * *

"I won't do that!"

"But it says _'Go to any convenience store and make Punzie stand on the register, barefooted'_ , what does that even mean?"

Rapunzel blushed, crimson as Merida's hair, recalling the first time she and Flynn met at a bar and it was whimsical— Flynn's exact words.

"Darn you, Flynn." Rapunzel breathed as they follow the way to the blinding lights of 7 eleven and its welcoming colors of green and red. Punzie noticed there are at least six people— _oh god, there's more at the back..._

* * *

"I think that isn't where you should put your arm, Hiccup."

"How would I know?!"

"And besides, where did you even get that dress from, Jack?"

"Oi, don't look at me like you're suggesting I'm gay, I always have it in the back of my car just in case my sister comes to visit me. My little sister adores being a dressmaker and guess who's the model?

"So you do enjoy strutting around in them high heels and pose like that Jenner, looking at the ground."

"Ha ha, very funny, Hiccup. But I'm not the one who's in a tight mini dress right now while Flynn's taking a picture of you and Kristoff."

"How come Kristoff is the guy?"

"Because it specifically said 'dress Jack in a cute dress and make him and ' _Kristoff act like they're in a first awkward date'_ and how would we even know if it's awkward?"

"Simple, be Kristoff."

* * *

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No offense, Mer, but your nose isn't my top choice of putting my finger inside."

"You're more grossed about that than having my booger on your forehead?"

"Well...no!"

"Relax, Anna, just think of happy thoughts."

"And my slimy booger!"

"You're not helping Mer."

* * *

"What the hell?!"

"What?"

Jack reads the paper and laughs, "The girls have no originality."

"I'm sure they didn't thought of us writing that dare— why are you still laughing? It said all of us have to kiss it."

"Fuck."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"Well, Elsa, it seems we have to find a frog and kiss it on the lips too."

"How come the boys would stoop so low for them to think that?"

"The guys are low. Haven't you seen the last dare?"

They all shuddered but not because of the wind.

"Well! I guess we have to join Tiana on her Frog-Kissing Club."

"Uh, Anna, that's just a metaphor..."

"Metaphor for what?"

"She's dating that sleazy Naveen, who had terrible eczema back in middle school that made his skin quite reddish, a bit of green and botchy. He was dubbed the Frog Prince back then."

 _"Oh."_

"And now, we have our very own prince." Rapunzel said, trying to cheer them up, failing, while the fat frog looking up at them with wide, curious eyes.

* * *

"FUCK NO!"

"Aww, c'mon, Flynn! We're almost done."

"Scared of losing your precious goatee?"

"Shut up, Hiccup, it's not just a goatee, it's the goatee! You show it some respect."

"Two hundred dollars or your measly goatee? What would it be then?"

* * *

"So..."

"Yeah."

"Are we okay?"

"Of course."

"Guys!" Anna squealed, horrifyingly cheerful, swaying the recent picture on their faces, "I wouldn't have guessed you could pull that off, Elsie!" Anna then looked at Rapunzel, "And you! Have you kissed a girl before? You two were awesome!"

"This photo is to certify that boys are into yuri." Merida said, staring at the picture, taking notes inside her mind. Elsa's face was red; however, Rapunzel wasn't all too bothered, which made her blushed more.

"Now I know why Jack won't stop being mushy to you, and tries too hard to make you kiss him." Rapunzel smiled and Elsa didn't know whether to be aghast or thankful by that.

* * *

"The goatee gotta go, Flynn!"

"NO!"

* * *

"NO!"

"C'mon, Red, it's just this once. No one could ever know, just us—"

"And the boys!" She gritted her teeth, eyes menacing, "Those dirty playing gowk _s_!"

The girls backed away from her, in a kind and scared attempt to protect themselves as Merida lifted a fallen branch of a tree and hurled it towards some unknown path. Her nostrils flared and the redness of her face looked like she was ready to commit murder, somewhere out there, they heard a thump of a familiar wood crashing onto the ground, and they decided not to push the subject; _it already seemed they've lost._

"Do I really have to handstand for a minute?" Merida said, after a minute of calming herself.

 _Or not._

Rapunzel smiled at her, encouragingly, "Yes, I know you can do it. We know you can do it. You've been in gymnastics, aren't you? And for all we know, you own a horse...you must be a great rider."

"Yeah, yeah, they don't call me Merida Horseface for nothin'." Merida said. She didn't laugh, never in her wildest dream to get on a horse and stand on her hands. She instantly grasps who wrote that dare; that rotten Flynn Fitzherbert knew of her history, known well enough to ridicule her for it.

"Speaking of horse, we found one, well, Elsa got the other horse after I unintentionally scared off that one, we tried to chase it but it was so fast and hey! We saw that swimmer from class with the guy, you know, who've been in campus for ages, they looked like they're on to something, nothing illegal perhaps. But she was in her cultural garb, in a tube and Aztec kind of way, which is so cute! I recall she mentioned she's originally from an island, totally cool if you ask me—" a nudge "Anyway, the horse, she or him is a softie only if you give her a carrot—oh sorry." Anna rambled on, but looked uncomfortable with a smile on her face. _Oh, did I mention I have to stand on my hands on the back of the horse while I munch on a carrot while a Polaroid is taking shots of that scene, to somehow make it more embarrassing and remembered?_

She wasn't happy.

Merida scrunched down to pick a large stone, not big enough to be a boulder—which is a shame though, but it's big enough to make her sweat when she lifted it like a discus before throwing it in the air, it landed on the ground, loud and ten meters away. The poor stone broke in pieces.

Not at all.

"Show me the horse and give me a carrot. Make it two." The thought of Hiccup losing gained up her spirit and determination to her battered pride. And of course, Flynn's karma will be her payback. Good thing she wrote down a dare that would make kicking his balls is a better choice than shaving his goatee.

* * *

Flynn was fuming.

Angry wasn't the right word but it's close to vehemence.

Of course he knew there would be that kind of dares that the girls would write. He wouldn't blame them for having a go at it, being batshit crazy and temperamental, considering there's two-hundred bucks on the line and insane pride at the stake, girls go overdrive and 85 mph in the game. But _oh no_ , it was too personal for him.

He really loved that goatee.

Why couldn't their girls just be normal and write stupid girly dares? He would've accepted dancing in a pink tutu with a flower crown on his head if the girls write that down, but no—instead, they've written to take off his sacred goatee. Flynn wasn't amused at his fellas too. He wanted to run and never accomplish that dare, but Kristoff got to him before he could argue and make a step. Soft and weird as he is, Kristoff was the big guy of the group. He has the frame, but the mind of an old, sensitive sled-loving man. Kristoff held both of Flynn's arms as he thrashed his unguarded legs to the approaching Jack with a shaving razor on his hand. Hiccup joined in, clutching the sides of Flynn's head as to make his deranged movement stop. Flynn screamed and pleaded with many _'no!'_ before Jack said something of an insincere sorry then off the goatee go with certain four swipes of the menacing pink razor.

Then they simultaneously let him go, he slumped to the ground, his left hand raised as if to catch the unseen shards of his beloved goatee. He felt like crying. No, he thought, men do not cry. His once so called brothers looked at him, the flash in their eyes were there. The look of satisfaction. _Fuckers!_

They didn't even have the decency to answer him of where did they acquire the offending razor, it's not like they carry it every time. Flynn had his suspicions, and right now all he could think of is vengeance.

Jack's unwelcome presence loomed in front of him, "That last dare..."

It was Kristoff's weakling voice that finished whatever Jack was supposed to say, "Do we really have to? C'mon, man! This is too much!"

Still not over of his loss, Flynn angrily looked at him, "No, Kristofferson, this is too much—" he pointed at where his goatee should be, "this is now or now, no never!"

It was an intense moment of Flynn's obvious madness, Kristoff's vexing glare, and Jack's apparent panic when Hiccup faked a cough, "I'm damn sure I'm not gonna swim into the lake at this goddamn hour and be stark naked with you lot."

 _Well..._

"It's nice meeting you guys. I'm going home now." Kristoff said.

The cold air around them disappeared. As if the intensity is trying to tell them something. Or maybe it's just the anger radiating from a certain mourner of the loss of his facial hair.

"No," said Flynn with a clenched fist, "my goatee's gone and it's all because of them—skirt wearing, sandwich making, PMS prone females! — And I'm not gonna let the sacrifice of my goatee be in vain and for nought! We will end this."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. Flynn, ever the dramatic, has a point. All they've done would be wasted if they just up and go. And the hundred bucks is quite appealing if they won, if not, _well_...he could always look at Flynn's shaved chin; it is such a wonderful consolation.

Their dignities were gone the moment they tried the first dare; _doused yourselves with chicken eggs coz that's what you are_ _xoxo_. And till now they smelt of putrid eggs. Jack may have retched a while ago, and Kristoff was looking greener than the pastures surrounding them.

At least they're gonna swim into the river to hopefully get the stink off.

But under different circumstances.

"In that case, this is the way to Cottontail River." Jack seemed to agree, not finding the dare horrid for his taste—typical Jack.

Flynn was the first to walk, followed by an agitated Kristoff, a cheerful Jack and a sardonically-looking Hiccup.

And he, Hiccup Haddock, is typical as he is, for being such a pushover.

* * *

Merida, Anna, Rapunzel and Elsa stared at the last dare. So the time has finally come...

The nauseating, insulting and downright downgrading paper stared at them too— mocking, glaring, and laughing at their stunned expression.

It seemed like hours but it's really just three minutes of horrible silence and pondering when one of them spoke up, finally, "It's not like we're hiding something, right?"

It was Anna's unsure yet trying-too-hard-to-be-cheerful-despite-of-the-circumstances voice.

Merida snorted in response, "Yeah, well, we have no choice in the matter. It's now or never."

"Why do I have the feeling that you're not bothered by the fact that we'll have to be naked?"

Merida shrugged, noncommittally, "I've been playing different sports since high school, still am, only the difference is I'm in college now, inside the shower room, there is no body of a woman is unseen, I'll tell you, it's kinda like _'no homo, we're cool'_ type of thing, so yeah, it's not weird at all." Merida answered. Shrugging before turning her attention to the trees.

 _...and I was once in an all-girls private school— believe me when I say that most girls from private schools are wilder than Poppy's sorority parties, and that's saying a lot. But I'm not gonna tell y'all this 'cause I know you'll ask questions about that, and I rather not talk about it_ — she thought to herself and nodded.

"Then why are you looking like you wanted to puke earlier?"

"Because in shower rooms, we don't photograph ourselves naked." She answered. Looking at Anna in that deadpanned stare she could muster.

The girls shuddered at her words and cursed whoever wrote this dare down. For all they know, they haven't had a clue. It was overly perverse, and maybe the boys are that disgusting. It creeped them out that someone was their boyfriend, except for Merida and Hiccup, and Merida tried to think of the culprit, rationalizing each attitudes; Kristoff was out. Naturally, he's the puppy of the group despite of his size. He's a fluffy bear that Anna loves to hug so much and blaming Kristoff of perversion would be like blaming a cat for cancer. Jack, though, was a boy at heart, but boys do have curiosities in them that can't be satiate. Flynn is the most likely to put that dare but she has no acute proof of it.

And there was Hiccup.

He might be the one but she did only met him a couple of weeks ago, although they acted as if they're friends since forever, and deep inside she knew of his behavior, his dislikes and the motions of his hands whenever he's in a sarcastic or lazy mood. She shook her head and a scowl formed on her face, _it must be Hiccup._

His innocently smiling features came to her mind, intrusive; she shook her head and scowls.

"Who'll be first?" Rapunzel's eerie voice wafted through the air, creating a frightening atmosphere and the chill lingered on their skin.

"Why don't we take out our shirts off—together? You know," Elsa meekly said, "so that it wouldn't be too awkward."

Anna nodded at her sister, "I second the motion. In 3 okay?"

Merida let her bag on the ground and the girls follow.

* * *

The ducks looked at them in their inquisitive, untrusting eyes, they paddled on the gentle stream of the river, distancing themselves to the newcomers of human, however, still kept a steady eye of them.

Jack was the first to discard his hoodie and his shirt.

"Whatever happens, keep your hands to yourselves and try not to linger at my hot bod." Jack added, winking at them.

Flynn snorted in disgust. "Dream on, Frost. This is the real adonis." He got out of his long-sleeved shirt and posing like Michelangelo's David.

"Geez," Kristoff muttered.

Hiccup wasted no time, likely interested in ending this once and for all, while he discarded all of his clothes and bunch them up beside Kristoff's neatly folded clothes. Flynn and Jack, however, were trying to get first into the river, their clothes forgotten on the ground, laughing and their naked bodies in sight for Kristoff, Hiccup, the trees and the ducks to see.

Hiccup didn't understand himself of why was he _really_ even friends with them.

* * *

Out of their clothes, the freezing air nips at their skin, they shivered—except for Elsa, who have grown accustomed to it since she was an ice skater at the tender age of four and an astounding player of snow polo, and not just because she has an unnatural fondness of winter. Although she can't help herself to shudder. Blaming not the wind, oh no, but because of their situation. Countless what ifs played inside her mind and it still did not subside when Anna reassured her that no one would see them in their nude glory.

Somehow the trees and the moon are the witness of such conduct, and hopefully, _it'll stay like that._

"I didn't know you have big boobs." Said Anna, breaking the eerie silence. She was staring at an embarrassed-looking Merida and her front.

"Five seconds." Rapunzel adjusted the camera, setting it on the large stone. She motioned for their alignment and adjusted her friends' positions, so each one of them are covered in their areas, but still looking unclad and legs exposed.

"It's just like what the paper said; d _o a nude photo shoot (but try to cover each other's parts ya know)_ okay? Don't get freaked out by this, gals." Rapunzel said, smiling despite of it all. She was on the left side next to Elsa, then Anna and Merida on the right.

* * *

"Set in a timer, ten seconds so we could get ready in time and—" his eyes caught four ducks going to where his satchel lays, there was a bread there, they must have sensed it, "take my satchel to somewhere those little buggers can't reach—yes there, nah don't tie it, let it hang on that branch, we'll know if that slips."

The four ducks looked at him; it seems they're really looking at him in that hateful way that Flynn couldn't help himself but smirk at them. _That bread is mine, it's Shepherd Loaf, and it's mine._

 _And I'm gonna win this thing._

* * *

"Oh no!"

"Why?"

"The camera was in a bad angle and only the half of our bodies is exposed." She handed them the developed picture and, indeed, their legs were showing but the upper part of them are cut.

"I guess we gonna do this thing again."

Groan.

Sigh.

"Okay, again in 5"

* * *

"We gonna show our thing?" said Jack, who was ducking his head on the river they're in.

"Nah, it only said _draw each other's butt with emojis, skinny dipping in the river_ , then show our assess to the camera. So I presume we'll do just that."

"Does anyone have a marker pen we could use?"

"Yes, Punzie gave it to me earlier, at first I was confused and now it made sense." Jack shrugged, holding the said marker, over his head, away from the river.

"Hmm, Punzie. _Who knew_." Flynn wasn't shocked at all. "Hey, draw me that emoji doing the kissy heart face, I wanna see Punzie's reaction when she sees that."

"Mine do the winky face."

"I guess I'll have the classic smiley."

"What about you, Hic?"

Hiccup, looking like an annoyed camper, crossed his arms, as if the coldness of the river would go away, "Oh, just plain old heart, Jackie boy, just plain old heart."

* * *

"Wait—wait, _wait_!"

A groan.

"What?"

"It's just that I now have knowledge that I'm a bit ticklish in that side..."

Merida lightly backed her hand away from the flesh of Anna's boobs, but still covering her from the view.

"Are you secured now?"

"Yes, thanks Red, you're a peach."

"I look like a tomato right now."

Anna looked at her from head to toe, "What fine tomato you are." then winks.

Rapunzel made her way back to them after clicking on the camera and they repositioned themselves when they hear the countdown. Regardless of the embarrassing dare, Merida tried to smile in that seductive way for the camera, as it took a satisfying shot.

* * *

The four stood on the ground, formed in a circle that their heads' blocking out the moon's light, as if shielding the last photo from her prying eyes.

They nearly cried when the Polaroid took their shot, and a beautiful sound comes out as the developed photo was ready for their taking. Everyone got out of the river, running to where the sacred camera was, and neither of them bothered to cover themselves.

They went for the river again, to freshen up and it led to a splashing game—of course, Jack initiated it. Admittedly, Hiccup found himself enjoying the night and the water on his face and body. The smell of eggs was gone.

Unbeknownst to them, the thin branch of the tree gave out a sound. The satchel was heavy and the branch was at its mercy. It drooped low and...

It was a sound of giving up.

But of course, they were too caught up in their little boy game.

* * *

"Come on! We've got to dress now!"

"It's been fun seeing each and every one of you. We truly are best of friends now."

* * *

"Hey, have anyone seen my boxer shorts?"

"Oh."

"What?"

"I accidentally wore yours."

"Meh, I could wear yours. Just give that back— _Sweet Jesus_! Is this the design or the darkness is playing tricks on me?"

"I'm a big fan of batman, okay!"

* * *

The bell sounded rather angrily. Alerting everyone in the park, good thing they're the only bunch of almost-mature adult there and the Moon was their witness of such acts.

Oh, the animals and trees too.

The owls have flown away when the screeching sound reached into their ears, rumbling the branches and the loud rumbling of running vibrated the ground.

The river was peaceful against the chaos of what was happening inside the park full of trees and premises. In spite of the tenacity of the stream, the river hummed gently.

The ducks swan on the rapids, chasing the satchel, little webbed foots paddling and an eager glint inside their eyes.

The fragrance of the loaf was strong and they're going to get it.

* * *

Flynn swayed the bell to and fro, crazed and hyper that they've won, whereas Kristoff brightened up to the idea of finally going home, Jack was enthusiastic and Hiccup was relieved to know he's not gonna spend his money for some dares.

The girls hid their dismay, they were so close, and kept a neutral expression. They didn't run faster than they should be. Merida was the first to see Flynn with the bell on his hand. She wanted to punch his face and reclaim victory. The boys were still galloping on the ground like the kids they are. Shouting in the air of success and Flynn even danced in front of Rapunzel.

"And the photos?" Rapunzel was the first to ask, breaking the stupor of her female camaraderie. Holding out her right hand.

"Go give them to her, Jack." Flynn smugly said, even tilting his chin up.

"I only got the last picture. You got the others."

"No, I dont."

" _Dude_."

" _What?_ For real!"

Sensing their distress, Rapunzel squinted her eyes at them, "Well?" her hand was still dangling on the air, open palmed.

Flynn searched for his teammates' eyes, searching of a possible prank, none was found. Jack gave him the photo—the last dare, but that's about it. Then it dawned on him...

"The satchel!"

Kristoff widened his eyes and remembered it; the satchel, the Polaroid, the ducks, the tree, _the branch!_

"You know the way, get them, Jack!"

Jack sprints away, running fast as he can to the spot where they were minutes ago. The remaining boys stood there, tight lipped and their once victorious moment vanished in the dead of the wind.

The girls have their pretty smiles on their faces.

It was Anna who rung the bell.

"Just wait—" Hiccup tried to explain.

Merida piped in, "Hah! Even if you found it, you're too late. We're here with our accomplished dares and you don't!"

Her words sunk into the boys' soul.

"You owe us two hundred bucks, boys." Rapunzel smiled. Flynn noticed that smile, it was pure evil. He gritted his teeth and gulped down the little envious man he was, he then gave her a charming smile, hoping to win her and for a lenient consequences. _It didn't work._

"And oh, your flies are up."

The boys looked at their pants down, and indeed, they were.

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Is that Bjorgman's room? His windows are open..."

"I think it is."

"Well, judging by the looks of it—it's kinda run down, maybe a party or something? I thought he's the kind of guy going Martha Stewart crazy whenever I see him by that window cleaning and stuff, and that's every day."

"Maybe. I'm sure he's fine. The guy's weird."

"Yeah."

Sven ran up to his master's bed and saw the toy he likes, he grabbed it by his teeth while his saliva drooled on it and on the floor making up a watery pattern.

Sven continues to go rummaging every neatly stocked thing here and there, finding delight at uncovering something, like a treasure hunt, even more fun than burying bones. He may have bitten furniture there and scratched some posters here, and broken a few photo frames there, it's perfectly harmless though...his master wasn't around yet. As long as he hasn't caught red handed, everything is fine. He could always blame the cat next door.

He chewed his toy, some of its thread is now loose, and yet he kept chewing and biting and licking it anyway. It was his prized possession the moment he saw it.

His favorite toy of all; Kristoff's gray beanie.

* * *

 **(BONUS)**

"We should give this back, Mau!"

"What? No way! I found it, it's mine now."

Moana crosses her arms, "We found it and it's not ours. I swam on the river to get that bag, while I was fighting those evil ducks, and two of them even pecked me, and all you did was cheering me to go get it." She said, smacking him with her wet shirt.

Unbothered by her, Maui opened up the satchel, "Yeah, uh-huh," he grinned to see that the contents inside were not wet. The satchel is waterproof, Maui thought, it probably cost a fortune. _Lucky him_.

"And besides, Rider made a bet with me, he lost and didn't pay it, this—" motioning for the satchel and wallets, "is his payment. The gods have avenged me."

There's even a loaf of bread here! _T!_

Moana rolled her eyes, "It's still not yours. Look, these wallets— they're from different people...hey, this one looks familiar..." She squints her eyes, looking at the photo of the driver's license; white hair, striking blue eyes, "Yep. He's from my swimming class. We should really give this back."

Maui looked at her straight in the eyes; pleading and uncharacteristically animated like he's pulling off the puppy eyes. She looked at him, aghast, it didn't work.

"Aw, c'mon!"

Moana crossed her arms, "Here's what, call that Rider and demand him to pay you back in exchange of their belongings."

Maui, still displeased, searched the bag for something he'll use against Flynn. Finding none, he slumped back and nodded to her idea. She helped him get up and, large as he is, he tumbled on some pebbles, the bag fell to the ground and they hear an unknown sound.

He grabbed for the bag and jiggled it; the sound of shuffling came. He searched for its source and he found a zipper, a secret pocket. _Man, this satchel is awesome!_

What he saw made his smile grow bigger that it made his face hurt and—" _Good god_ , you look scary, Mau!"

"You may want to close your eyes because you don't want to see these. They're perfect. The gods gave me more than I deserve." He said, still grinning, while clutching the photographs on his hand.

* * *

 **Sorry this one took so long, I had forgotten my account and password and thankfully, I recovered it. And thank you for following this story and I can assure you that I have tons of ideas for this one, the misadventures continue! And I'll probably make another story but with a Jelsa ship. Who knows ?.?**

 **The next chapter will be on saturday! Stay tune!**


	8. Chapter 8

Confessions of a Third Wheeler

The Bear Queen

* * *

"I need your help."

"What is it?"

"It's about my mum."

There have been noises of shuffling then a closing of a zipper, "And?" said the voice on the other line.

Merida rolled her eyes, "If you haven't been paying any attention, my mum is a total monster!"

"I think that's an exaggeration, Mer." A shuffle, "We did thought of our parents as monsters growing up. I get it your mom's overly strict but that's because she loves you."

She groaned, "Not you too. I don't want to hear this right now! Just sympathize with me, 'kay? She's here in my room again, she invited —wait, no, forced me to some fancy restaurant today for an evening dinner with the family, she said, and I haven't consented yet but she's still waiting outside. Knowing my mother, she'll not take no for an answer. I'm in the bathroom, by the way."

"So that's why you're whisper-shouting," He said. Sounding like his soul have felt better like he uncovered a mystery, "Seriously, Mer, It can't be that bad. Maybe she's making up for the bad days, you know, parents do regret something and she's actually making an effort for you. Just try it for her, if not, try for your brothers and your dad. Plus! there'll be high class foods there and your parents gonna pay for you. Think about _that_."

Merida snorted, "Are you actually giving me a pep talk right now? You're hopeless, Haddock. But thank you anyway, maybe I'll do that. You sure know how to wind me up when it comes to food."

"That's the spirit! You can do it and if you need more of my empowering words, I'm right here and still packing my stuff." a loud thump and a hurried pacing, " _Shit_ —I forgot to unplug the toaster, call you later, Mer!" The line went out.

Merida sighed and looks into the mirror—to her. This is going to be a challenge. She got out of the bathroom and when she saw her mother dusting her shelf with a black cloth, she can't help but to shriek, "What are you doin'? Ugh, nevermind— _is that my shirt?_ "

The look on her mother's face was stoic, "These shelves are dusty and," she held up a used tissue paper, "Really? You can't even throw this in the trash. This shirt of yours is worn out. I don't know how you put up with these—" she cuts off, clearly stopping herself from mocking her any further and looks at Merida in the eyes with a gentle expression, "Have you made up your mind?"

"Yep, I refuse to go."

"Have you really thought about it?"

"Yes, I have. I might've considered but you put me off with your usual constrain on me." Merida said, not blinking, "There's the door. Goodbye, mother."

Elinor reached for her daughter's hand, "I'm sorry, I couldn't stop myself. Oh, do come, Merida. Your father and brothers have missed you. I missed you."

Merida couldn't argue with her, not right now, and not with her mother looking like that. She had denied her countless of times and this was not the first time she felt guilty. She knew her mother was playing the pity game and her mother also knew she was but a sucker, "Okay."

Her mother smiled so hard Merida thought her face might break in to two. "But no condescension or any nagging I'll hear from you."

Her mother took a sharp breath (Merida rolled her eyes) and closed her eyes, it seems she was counting one to five when she opened them—"Alright."

Merida nodded her head and grabbed her duffel bag, "Let's go."

"Hold on, you can't possibly wear that!" Her mother pointed at her choice of outfit, respectively.

"Wearing a ripped jean and a Ramones tee doesn't qualify of a heinous crime, mum, and you agreed to no nagging."

"We are going to a nice restaurant, Merida, just this once, I beg of you."

Choosing a path of peace, Merida grumbled about mothers and their insistence, "Do I have a choice?"

She never has seen her mother brighten up before, and now she did. She looked younger and happier. Her mother looked like the beautiful woman she had been, fourteen years ago—back when her eyes were glinting with happiness and her spirit was as high as the sky.

Merida's heart slowly reached out for Elinor.

* * *

 _What havoc did she agreed upon to?_

She stared at the human-sized mirror. If only her eyes could make something explode— the mirror would be the first one then she and the dress, wait no, the dress would be the first. She likes dresses; really, she even owned at least four. Flowy dresses just above her ankle are her guilty pleasure, in contrast to people only thought of her as a tomboy who dresses up like a frustrated feminist with daddy issues. _"Wow, you're a Boho-fied cutie!"_ Anna had remarked once when seeing Merida in her comfortable dress, but this one... It's not the type she's used to. It's too form fitting. It shamelessly hugged her form. It's shorter than her standard shorts! _Jesus_. What did fashion designers think when they created a dress supporting only one shoulder? And talk about the price! It's plain stupid... And she doesn't like seeing her bare back. There's, at least, eight zits there that could count as a constellation across her back, but thank god her wild mass of a hair covered them up.

Although, she furiously thanked herself for shaving her legs and armpits earlier...

She saw her mother on the reflection, just behind her, wearing her proud face. "You look elegant, Merida darling."

"I look like a ninny."

"Oh hush, you're exquisite." Her mother stepped out of the changing room and she could hear her mother talking to the assistant, "We'll take it. And oh, do you have a silver Scarpin size 8?"

Merida huffs, "Mum, remember what I said earlier?"

"What am I supposed to do? Pair that beautiful dress with a..." Her mother grimaced, looking at her shoes like they were made by Satan himself.

" _Converse_ —"

"Yes, converse. I know you've been wearing that with dresses, looking all like that gothic, flower-power ladies you idolize too much, but your shoes right now are downright sullied. Do you even wash them?"

"Okay, geez, stop judging me, I'll wear your kind of fancy shmancy shoes." She said, crossing her arms, and then uncrossing them when she realized it made her boobies bigger because of the dress, "If I get to choose the shoes for me."

Elinor squinted her eyes, "A classy shoes, then done."

Merida looks at the saleslady, who'd been witnessing their feud with enthrallment, like she's watching a Lifetime movie, "I'd like a galapagos green Lita, size 8, please."

* * *

And now she's agreeing for a makeover.

It's not like she didn't tried fending herself off her mother's annoying invasion. She did, multiple times, told her that her face and hair is fine enough.

"You look stressed out."

"Because I am!"

"Relax, darling, and your face is oily, same thing as your hair, only greasier. Heavens, what do you use?"

She's tired arguing, oh how she longed for a snack. But the salon was far away from any 7Eleven and Walmart, and its neighbors are high end stores and rival companies, her mouth instantly craved for a food; Cheetos, pringles, and _oh god—pizza!_ And her mother would possibly deny her that comfort. Speaking of mother, Elinor sat on the wide, white sofa, reading a magazine (definitely Cosmos) while the hairdresser is looking like she's cursing her on her mind.

 _It's not my fault I don't brush my hair._

The minutes, hours gone by and Merida could swear her butt is numb from sitting for god-knows hours. The scent of her hair gave off a pleasant smell. _So far, so good_. She haven't seen her hair or face yet as her mother insisted to be a surprise. Well, there's no surprise that her mother would say that. And so, she was led into a mirrorless room for the magical transformation like a lab rat she is. After all the agonizing brushing, the tingly feel of her head, the dabbing of presumably chemicals on her face, the excruciating torture is over. The hairdresser slash makeup artist, Marnie— it said on her nameplate, had a proud look on her face when she presented Merida to her mother.

Elinor gave out a yelp.

"Am I still not socially acceptable enough?" She snorted out.

"You look so beautiful, Merida." Her mother earnestly said.

She looks at the full-length mirror behind her and her mouth hang agape. "I look..." she studied the face looking back at her, blinking if she is her, she is! Her hair is still curly but the wildness of it has tamed and prettily styled. She touched it to feel the softness. And her face...she didn't know whether to appreciate it or scorn at it, "Incredulous."

"You've done a wonderful job, Marnie." Her mother said, smiling at the woman.

"Indeed." The hairdresser replied.

But Merida wasn't all too happy. She looks at the mirror again and sees herself, her other self looking back at her saying inside her mind; _you can't eat too much or this'll be in ruin!_

* * *

The restaurant has a nice atmosphere. Warm and elegant. The only off putting is that its name is The Locals, and Merida thought how stupid it was. You have to get a month's reservation and it isn't easy. She understands why her mother was so adamant about the dinner. Merida could see the people's lives here: some are here for business matters, some for sophisticated dates and others are here just to pronounce wealth. Tonight, neither label would she ever be. She stopped being the rich man's daughter, who was prim and utterly proper, the moment she decided to be on her own. Merida thought how many of the folks here have ever worked with their bare hands? Probably haven't.

Merida looked to see her mother gently nodding to the woman, four tables away from them, the woman raised her champagne with a perfectly manicured fingers holding the glass with ease at Elinor, then looks at Merida and raised her eyebrows and smirked, as if to say she loves the dress Merida is wearing. Merida isn't a snob, and definitely isn't clueless to the function of society, the wealthy people often flash their money with dresses, jewelries and sickening smile to each other, as a mean of pronouncing themselves without ever greeting one another.

Her eye easily caught the huge form of her father, sitting on his chair with masculinity and poise, and laughing at something the three young boys beside him had said—his eyes turned to look at her way, and their similar eyes met.

"Wee lassie!" Her father stood up, large and tall. She forgotten her etiquette right there when she ran to their table, to where her father was waiting with outstretched hands. Merida embraced the person who'd been supporting her though thick and thin. She smelled pine-trees and smoke, and it brought a memory of her when she was just a child, running through the woods and laughing with her father as he tried to catch her. She missed her father so much. "Look at ye! Yer a bonnie one! That's fer sure!"

"Da! I'm not little anymore!"

"Are ye sure about that?" Her father said, pinching her cheeks, he turned to the people in their tables, "Look at me daughter!" He said out loud, and she could see her mother face-palming from her side. "The pride of Dunbroch!"

"Haud yer wheesht, Fergus!" Elinor said, crossing her arms.

"Gonnae no' dae that, Eli! It's been months since I saw me lady bairn!" He said, joyfully, and pulled the chair for Elinor and Merida. He's still a gentleman, no matter how loud and ruckus he was.

"Thank you." Elinor said, sitting straight, she looked at Fergus, "Tone it down, hun, do you want the people here to gawk at us? You're disrupting the peace."

"They can kiss me arse."

Snorts and giggles had escaped from the young boys, Elinor was not at all amused— giving them that look shut them up, even Fergus.

"Devils," Merida smirked at her younger, identical brothers, and they smirked back at her. The last time she saw them was Thanksgiving, and that was a year ago from now. They're likely teenagers and she loathed to found out that they're taller than her now.

"Oh hush, Merida, your brothers are now the perfect gentlemen, right boys?"

Merida knew they were faking it up when they nodded in unison, even clasping their hands in front of them with added effect of innocence. Merida didn't buy it, not one bit, even when Hubert asked her how her day was; Harris telling her the nice weather; and Hamish politely complementing her look.

"She is wonderful," her mother agreed. The waiter came to fetch their orders, and Merida found herself intrigued when she ordered meat and her mother didn't protest (her mum raised her to be a vegan since the day she could chew, but to no avail) that's where her unusual dinner begun.

* * *

Hiccup let a sigh escape his mouth.

He finally sorted out his things, done mentally checking his list; the relief was written on his face, plopping down on his bed, he looked at the ceiling. It was bland in color; beige, was it? Hiccup had a plan in mind when he first arrived at his apartment; he could decorate it, paint the walls, add some things he'd like, put a few posters of Bjork (but deciding not to because Flynn would visit and make some comments about it) and instead he pinned his sketches and drawings, a touch of familiarity; it was to be his temporary home.

 _Home._

He'll come home, soon, in ten hours or less.

He imagined the scene when he comes home and being able to see his friends personally again. Toothless will sure bounced up and down when he sees him. Hiccup really missed his dog, his companion and best friend.

He missed his dad. Despite of their misunderstandings, Hiccup found it hard to say goodbye when he'd first gotten his acceptance letter. He knew his father didn't approve of them; his passion, his chosen university, his want to explore, and Hiccup's decision to decline his father's offer of being a village chief. He knew he broke his father's heart, but in the end, his father let him be, with a proud smile on his face and a firm hug, "Come back home, son." His father had said.

Breaking out of his reverie, his eyes stared to look at the ceiling; he hated the color of it, he'll have to paint it...sky blue or cerulean, just like someone's eyes he grew fond of, but it'll have to wait.

He'll go back home first.

Reaching for his cellphone, Merida had texted him, minutes ago.

 **From:** (Princess Merida of Pringletown)

 _Hey_

 _Hey? wassup?_

 _just wanted to text ya that im havin lamb for dinner n possibly rosemary n peppers coz restaurants do them ol de time_

He smirked, replying...

 **To:** (Princess Merida of Pringletown)

 _Just finished packing and thank god toothless is finally asleep_

 _Don't forget truffles and fishes' eggs ;)_

 _Have a nice dinner, princess_

* * *

The food was tasty. That's all Merida could judge.

Maybe her taste for gourmet meals has vanished ever since she started eating Chinese takeouts. Of course she couldn't really choose, she's tight on her budget and it's not like she can afford lamb salad with fregola like the one she's eating right now. But if you compare it, the haggis back home is much more savory than the eighty dollar a plate meal nowadays. And the contents are damned miniscule, _fucks sake!_

"Eat the leeks, boys." Her mother said, sternly looking at the three boys poking their dinner with careful disinterest, "or no desserts." The last sentence/threat would make anyone eat whatever they're forced to take, and the boys begrudgingly complies, looking painful while swallowing their braised leeks...not even the mozzarella toppings could take away the flavor.

There's nothing wrong at her mother's order; Scallop Sashimi with Meyer Lemon Confit, even of its absurdly small quantity, her mother would always pick the ones Merida will never order willingly. But there is something the matter when her mother smiles up at her every few minutes, casually asking Merida if she'd like to order more. That couldn't be right...she guessed she'll have to wait for dessert to come.

* * *

They were eating their dessert, chocolate truffle— obviously, all expensive foods starts with truffles. All those reality cooking show can attest to that. And add shaved gold to the top of it, and then you might as well shit million dollars in cash. Merida didn't mind it at all, especially when her parents would pay for whatever she's eating, and the fact that the truffles are undeniably delicious, although her eyes scanned her mother's face for any sign of motive; she found none, yet.

Merida was suspicious.

Her right to suspect proved to be correct when her mother granted her to have another batch of soufflé, which her mother from these past years never do unless she wants something from Merida without really pointing at said something. And the fact that Elinor moved gracefully, smiling at her daughter when she caught her gaze, there was a flash in her eyes, fleeting, but Merida caught on it. Her mother is too careful, equivocally so.

Beneath the table, her hand gripped her phone, with practiced skill she acquired growing up, she texted Hiccup and hit send.

 **To** : (VikingBoii)

 _my fam is acting crazy af_

 _dad hasnt finishd his steak n hasnt ordrd for another_

 _thats weird_

 _txt me bck hic im gettin worried here_

It was awfully quiet now, unlikely for her family, even her talkative father was silent as he took a bite from his food, his steak was shockingly unfinished and his slice of velvet cake was barely touched, her real father wouldn't do that. Wouldn't disrespect food like that, he worship them and sanctioned them inside his belly. She looked at the time; 09:15 pm, she wondered if they'll stay like this for the whole evening and if that be so, she'll likely go mad.

The boys were shooting her glances—that kind of glance you give to homeless person and runned down animals on the street; pity glances with no resolution.

"Um, what is happening?"

Damn, she hadn't meant to say that out loud, but the pressure was building up on her, someone had to say the matter.

After long, painful silence...

"You tell her, Fergus."

So _there's_ something wrong.

Her father looked at Merida, to Elinor, and to the boys, to Elinor again, and then to Merida, his mouth hang open, when words can't produce, he glanced back at Elinor.

"Oh for heaven's sake!" Elinor scowled at her husband, "Your father and I accepted a proposal."

Merida scrunched her forehead in confusion, "I'm sure that's what you do in business."

"No," her mother smiled at her, taking Merida's hand, gently, "A marriage proposal for you."

 _ **A marriage**_

Her mother beamed at her.

 _ **proposal**_

She could hear the loud sound of metal against plate. She unknowingly dropped her fork.

 _ **for**_

The sudden atmosphere suffocated her, her hands grew cold. Emotions clouding her mind, negative ones.

 _ **you.**_

"YOU DID THE FUCK WHAT?" Merida has always acted on impulse. Standing up abruptly, some customers nearby looked at their table—eyes glinting ready for drama.

Elinor would have none of it. "Sit down, Merida, and please, be mindful of your language. Calm down."

She sat down, but not because her mother told her to, it's the fact that the rich folks are watching them—her, with their hawk-eyes.

"Now, I'm sure you're quite surprised—"

"Oh! I'm not just surprised, mother, I'm all beyond surprise!" She gritted her teeth, barely shouting while keeping her tone acidic.

"Your father and I thought it best if—"

Merida looked at her father, glaringly; he surrendered his arms in defeat, shaking his head, "I didnae know 'twas a marriage proposal!" Elinor glared at him too. He bowed his head to avoid being shamed by the women in his life.

"We, _your father_ ," Elinor pronounced him thickly, "and I thought it best if one of the sons of our partners will be paired with you, our only daughter."

"This isn't eighteenth century, mum! You can't just give me away like I'm some cattle!" Gripping her head, a few curls got out of her styled hair, "this is a punishment, isn't it?"

Elinor scowled, "No, It will give me the utmost pleasure knowing my daughter's future is secured and her wellbeing is safe."

"Ooh, it's not about that, not at all, how can you be so selfish?"

Elinor's expression hardened, "I did it for you, and don't you understand that? How could you be so ungrateful?"

"How can I understand the concept of you metaphorically selling me?"

The tension was deep. Their staring contest was unbearable to the boys—who find themselves staring at their unfinished ice cream that's now melted. Fergus—big, strong Fergus didn't want to butt in, he knew this was something very personal for his wife and daughter.

Merida glanced about the place, she wanted to get out, her mind is telling her to go and run as fast as she can.

"Excuse me for a minute; I need to go to the restroom." She calmly said. Her mother nodded her head; thinking Merida was finally warming up to her idea.

She walked with confidence, and when she saw the door of the ladies-room, she turned to the other way—to the door where her freedom would be.

 _How many minutes would it take for them to figure out that I won't come back?_

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hiccup?Whereareyou?Areyou stillinyourapartment?Haveyou seenmytexts?DoyouhaveDoritos?"

"Whoa, hold on, take it easy, and breathe." He heard an exhale from the other line, "Okay, good. So, what ails you, fair maiden?"

"I need your help, Hiccup."

"But I'm on my way to the airport—"

"Please?"

"I'm sorry, Mer, or I'll gonna be late."

Her voice was barely a whisper, "Oh, okay." it sounded cracked, "Stay safe then, best of luck." This was the very first time he heard her like this...he hated himself for disappointing her.

* * *

Hiccup got out of the cab; he then proceeded to get his luggage out of the trunk. "Keep the change, thanks again." He waved off the cab driver. He stared at his phone, and then to the area he was dropped at.

 _Huh._

So this is what uptown looks like.

Nothing was amiss, it looks like a well cleaned neighborhood, except this was a street and there's no such thing as average houses except marveling penthouses, classy stores;few cars stood by on the side that were appearing upscale, certainly seems the owners are in a competition to whomever has the new Lambo or what set of Ferrari looks good.

He tried to remember the street he's supposed to go and he's got no idea where he was. Fortune seemed to smile upon him when he happened to come across a presumably middle aged woman, dressed like a character from Downton Abbey (Violet Crawley, maybe) —he went for a smile, "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm a bit lost, would you mind if I ask you where might this location be?" he showed her the address, she frowned slightly seeing it.

The woman glanced at him, briefly, moving away slowly, and then stopped, as if she now understood he wasn't from this part of town. "You'll have to go there," pointing the way ahead of them, "and turn left, then walk until you see the sign." She moved past him, not giving him a chance to speak any further and went away.

No thanks for the instructions, he thought. Hiccup, clutching his luggage, made his way and to hell with directions.

 _The Locals._

The sign was clear, with a classic font from a diner. The red and white lights dancing to his periphery and below it a bright four stars erupted proudly.

With a sigh, he walked towards a restaurant, he notices few cars proudly presented for onlookers. Eyeing the front of the restaurant, he instantly knew it's for the rich people and he laughed at the absurdity of its name.

He rounded up on the corner, on the far side, not wanting to be a display outside a fancy restaurant, especially when the guard was looking at him; thoroughly looking at him like he's expecting Hiccup to dress in a tux and has wads of Benjamin Franklin with a black 2016 McLaren.

Of course, Hiccup had neither of that, and the guard sensed it too.

 _"Psssst!"_

He looked around to see someone; no one. The guard obviously didn't hear it, did Hiccup really heard that at all?

"Here, Haddock!" Someone whisper-shouted, he turned to look at the source and found that source in the dark alleyway.

"What— _Merida_ , what are you doing there?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? Obviously hiding! Come here, you fool!"

With a chuckle, Hiccup dragged his luggage as he walked to her spot, only then he notices the outline of Merida's body against her gloomy hideout.

Was she really that curvy before?

He might have blushed but her voice came first, "Swear to god, don't laugh at me, 'kay? Or I'll damn ripped your eyes off and sew your mouth shut."

That is Merida, he thought and he couldn't help himself retorting back, "Geez, such expression of your love to me, I feel myself crying with joy."

"Shut it."

He would've responded something witty, one that would make her chuckle—but no, his sentence died when she stepped out of the shadow with clicks on the pavement, the light from the lamppost surrounded her form and all he could do was stupidly gawk at her.

 _Is she really Merida?_

Because what he's seeing is a lady in a tight cerulean blue dress, hugging her unnoticeable-until-just-now form in all the right places, it ended at the middle of her thigh, exposing her legs —how the hell did she get so leggy? — The dress wasn't all that provocative, rather it has a flare of sultriness while remaining classy; Of course, these are the things Merida would often avoid.

Still eyeing up her, he only then just noticed the lack of amusement on her face, a flash of irritation in her eyes, and her mouth was moving, violently.

She was talking to him. _Snapped out of it!_

"Er...what?" He said after his ears finally received her voice, the sound was Merida-harsh.

"Are you daft?" Yep, this fine lady is Merida alright.

"You're just so pretty."

 _What the actual fuck?_

Both he and Merida looked away, his cheeks shamefully red and before either of them could say something, loud voices can be heard from the restaurant and suddenly, strong hands pulled him from his spot and into its place. His luggage gave out a sound, his footing a bit disgruntled, and his eyesight could little see from where he was dragged in. A hand clamped his mouth to recede a surprise gasp, so firmly his nose found it hard to breathe. The owner of said hands were staring at him and without personal space whatsoever, they continued to stare. Neither moving or making a sound, even in darkness, he can plainly see the blueness of Merida's eyes.

She let go of him, and he inhaled, not sure why he had held his breath. Merida put a forefinger up, signaling him to hush. Sure enough, footsteps on the pavement and voices came, the owners oblivious to the hiding miscreants.

His heartbeat was loud in his chest, he wondered if Merida could hear it. They were so close that he could smell her perfume, sweet, alluring—fragrances he haven't smelled from her before.

He inhaled her scent, oh god, please don't let her notice that...

"They're looking for me," Merida finally said, breaking the intense eye contact between them. She heard faint barks and whistles, "For fuck's sake! Come on, let's go!"

* * *

Thankfully, Merida had called in for an Uber minutes before he arrived. She surely plans ahead, that he knows. However, the Merida beside him hasn't spoken a word since they got on the car. He told the Uber driver to drop them off at his address, knowing Merida didn't plan everything.

She looks at the window, through its glass and while seeing the fast motion, blurred faces and iridescence outside, she's not entirely seeing at all, she's focused on her thoughts.

They're engulfed in silence all the way to his apartment.

He let her have his bedroom for the night, he even joked that she's fortunate that the room being not in a mess, she cracked a smile, a little. One thing he could cheer her up is food, he offered to fix her up something and before he could go, she halted him.

"I'm sorry." She finally said.

"For what?"

"For coming up to me. I'm such a burden, so sorry, you could've gone to the airport —but you came to me, I'm so selfish."

She looked like she carried the world on her shoulders; the sadness in her beautiful eyes broke his smile.

"Don't say that, Merida, you're not a burden, ever. And you're not selfish either. You're special to me, okay?"

Her knees buckled before she slumped to the ground, he moved quickly to her, he got down next to her, a comforting hand on her back. She glanced at him, up close she's even more beautiful than e could imagined, she whispered a "thank you," and her hands snaked up to his neck. The sweet smell of her clashed inside his nose once again. His arms returned her embrace, her shoulders trembled, her body vibrating, the faint sound of whimpers came from her mouth.

And for the first time in his life, Merida cries on his shoulder.

* * *

 **HESUS!**

 **I'VE FUCKED UP. I UPLOADED THIS CHAPTER ON DOCS WEEKS AGO AND I THOUGHT IVE ALREADY UPDATED IT! STUPID STUPI STUPID! I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THIS. AND ALSO I CORRECTED SOME**

 **OF THE MISTAKES ON THE CHAPTERS, I FEEL SO PROUD.**

 **AND THERE WILL BE MORE!**


End file.
